Dating App Culture

A temperature check on the world of dating apps. We asked a collection of people from all different backgrounds what they are currently feeling when it comes to app culture. 

Read below. 

Do you think app dating has changed the way you make judgements about potential suitors?

• "No I think with the part technology plays in society it's becoming a very common place to meet new people."

• "Maybe - I’m quick to turn down someone online but in real life I connect with people I wouldn’t have swiped right online." 

• "Yes. I find it difficult to meet someone organically and don’t like pursuing people unless I’m sure they’re also interested."


• "In a way - I think it's a good medium. But you can only go on so much dates until you feel the "burn out."

• "Totally! In person, you get an immediate sense of someone’s ‘vibe’ and whether you are attracted to them/ their personality. That is taken away from you on an app so you have infer their personality and energy from their profile. I find I’m more open to different kinds of people in an app (for better or worse) just to establish what their vibe is!"

•"Yes" 

• "Yeah 100%. It makes you judge people purely on physical appearance and their ability to structure an online profile." 

• "Yes I think app dating has changed the way I make judgements. Obviously you can’t meet the person initially so my judgements are based largely on their looks from pictures and reading their interests." 

• "Yes." 

• "What I'm looking for has changed as I've gotten older. I look for matches based on photos and what people say on their profile that align with values and traits I'm looking for."

In an ideal world how would you like to meet someone? 

• "Doesn't really matter, but would prefer organically as it's easier and less superficial. Plus who doesn't love a cool story?" 

• "It doesn’t matter." 

• "I love the idea of organic connection. If that means we met crossing paths physically or by mutual interest online, I think it's just as much of a connection. I feel it's naive to only wait to meet someone in person when the power of the online world is so strong. In some ways it's nicer to have an idea of someone before meeting them in person. I also feel dating apps can almost be seen as like a "mutual friend," I mean somehow your profiles crossed and a platform happened to introduce you to each other!"

• "Personally speaking id much prefer in real life/naturally. Dating apps seem forced and like you’re just trying to search for your ideal hook up or partner, opposed to just meeting the right person."

• "Definitely in real life." 

• "It would be nice to meet someone organically irl but overall it doesn’t matter too much."

• "irl 100%" 

• "Ideal in real life so I have a cool story to tell our kids." 

• "I'm the kind of person that enjoy's organic moments and ones that aren't planned. Ideally I would love to have a unique experience meeting each other."

• "IRL!"

• "I would love to meet the love of my life without the use of a dating app. Meeting someone organically and forming an initial spark from the get go." 

How important is text chat in modern dating for you?

• "Very important in the sense that I don't like to converse over text, but I think it is important for communicating the basics (eta's, create plans, etc.)" 

• "-Ish. If you haven't met the person in real life, I don't think it should be a denominator whether you'll actually vibe."

• "I much prefer in person communication - on dating apps especially, the hottest text chat is when someone says, "drinks tonight?" and you can immediately meet them in person. Text can be misinterpreted and people can be super exciting over text and boring in person. Texting is like living within the idea of something that might not be what you think." 

• "Very important but boundaries have to be discussed."

• "Not really." 

• "It's important as that's how you start the initial phase of getting to know someone and making a decision on if a date is worth your time. I hate it though. I try and skip to an in person as soon as possible." 

• "Texting/messaging is super important. Whether that’s a good or bad thing. No one likes a phone call anymore! Some people just like the idea of a pen pal as well." 

• "Text chat is quite far down the list for me. I am not one to text chat at every moment of the day." 

• "I don’t really care about the text chat, I am more into meet and chat face to face. Because I am actually the person who hates texting."

• "In the early stages of dating, I think it’s really important."

• "I hate texting." 

How many people are you usually talking to at once on average?

• "Call me old fashioned but I’m a one at a time girlie through and through."  

• "One or two." 

• "Four or five." 

• "Personally I’m speaking to one person at a time, if that 🤣 one person is enough effort." 

• "If it’s on dating apps, usually would be 3-4."

• "It depends, lately a few but there are different tiers of conversation. Some just boring small talk which I just respond to when I'm bored, the others I put effort in - max two of these at a time." 

• "I only speak to one person at a time." 

• "I am usually talking to 0 people consistently at the moment." 

• "Anywhere between 1-5. But 1 in particular will receive more attention than the others."

• "0-1 lol" 

Do you feel with online dating that everyone is always looking for the next best thing? 

• "Yes I believe because sex is so easily accessible especially in the gay community with the use of apps like Grindr, people have no hesitation in moving from person to person." 

• "Yes! Too many options = think the grass can be greener (esp. men)." 

• "Not really at this point. I think we've all been pretty overstimulated by that idea at this point so we don't *really* have high expectations."

• "Yes and no. I think it depends on people’s intentions. But the accessibility of people and being able to see who’s out there makes people more hesitant to commit to just 1."

• "Yes I think that everyone is always looking for the next best thing. I believe instagram has the biggest part to play." 

• "Everyone always looking for the next best thing 100%. Someone better is always one swipe away, allegedly…"

• "I guess - if you thought there was someone better you’d be looking for it." 

• "It's definitely shifted the way we view relationships, I mean some people's 'situationships' last for years... and I feel the reason for this is behind the total exposure we have to have to hundreds of people on the internet. Everything is always more exciting in the beginning and I think once the fun wears off people tend to keep swiping right, hoping for that feeling again.' 

•"For me not the next best thing, more the right thing." 

• "Yes, I think people do. because people can easily find more people online than in real life." 

How important is sex in the initial stages of dating?

• "I try and avoid on the first date and say to most girls to avoid sleeping with someone on the first date. As bad as this sounds, the chase keeps me engaged and interested to get to know them more." 

• "Not super important unless I see a future with them."

• "Very!" 

• "Some people only use dating apps for sex, which I totally understand. I mean everybody needs sex and why not use a platform where you can specify what you are looking for to have your itch scratched. Having sex with someone you barely know sometimes makes it more comfortable!" 

• "Highly important. Sexual chemistry too. If you can't even make eyes with me on the first date and there's no tension? gtfo."

• "Very important lol."

• "For me sex is not as Important in the initial stages of dating compared to things like quality time with each other and getting to know one another." 

• "I don’t think it’s important in the initial stage for me, but it does matter if it goes to a long term relationship."

• "8.5/10 - room for improvement but need to know that they aren't paraplegic in the bedroom." 

• "In the initial stages sex is somewhat important I think. If you have an extremely high libido and your newer partner does not, it’s best to figure that out early opposed to running into some problems later down the track." 

• "Sex and physical attraction is important not only in the initial stage but also long term." 

Are you likely to have sex within the first 1-3 dates? 

• "No. 3 and onwards." 

• "If it’s someone I don’t take seriously yes. If I see a potential future with them then it will take much longer."

• "No at least 5...."

• "Yes 🫣"

• "It depends on the person. Usually no I am not likely to have sex if I want a long lasting relationship."

• "Second date rule. And if it goes past that then you're wasting my time."

• "Generally the 3rd is when I will try if the chemistry is there. But also I'm a guy, if it's on, I'm not saying no 😂" 

• "Not really."

• "If it’s an option and you’re vibing with them, I don’t see why not. sex doesn’t have to be this big serious thing, 1st-3rd date can be fun and casual even if nothing comes from it AS LONG AS BOTH PARTIES AGREE" 

• "If I'm dating I don't have sex in the first few dates."